Sunday, January 5, 2014

Snow

Snow! Snow! Snowsnowsnowsnow!!
I'm very excited about the snow. It makes me feel all peaceful and happy inside. 

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Close Object-Scarf

A beautiful pink,
Soft as silk. 
Fringe at the end
That flutters in the wind. 
Planned Parenthood logo, 
Carefully embroidered on the edge. 
An unexpected thanks
For a day answering phones. 
It's a soft reminder of why I do what I do. 

Broken Heart


The first time it broke I was 17. The boy all of my friends told me I should date had started dating another girl. I didn't particularly like him, but in the manner of most high school girls, I felt like I should have a boyfriend. I cried for a week. 
Six years later, I ran into him. He was working at Taco Bell and living with his mom. 

The second time it broke I was 19. My first girlfriend had gone back to her ex. I sat waiting for her, as the dinner I made her slowly got cold, until midnight on valentines day. The next day, she called to tell me that she had realized she was still in love with her ex and that she would be by later to pick up her things. We would get back together three weeks later, then break up again. It was a pattern we would continue for almost two years. 
Fourteen years later, I'm friends with the ex and the woman I thought I loved is living in Montana with an abusive man and their child. 

The third time it broke I was 27. The woman I loved wouldn't stop drinking and getting high. I begged and pleaded, bargained and cajoled. She spent all of our money getting high and drained my savings account to buy tequila. She told me she didn't like drinking but that she didn't want to stop. On our anniversary, I told her the only thing I wanted was for her to be sober for a week. She agreed and said she really wanted to change. Her sobriety lasted less than a day. 
Seven years later, we are friends on Facebook and she has been sober for five years. She said when I left she realized she needed to get help. 

After three heartaches, I wrapped my broken heart in barbed wire and poured a layer of concrete around it, and made sure nobody got close enough to hurt me. 

Four years ago, my niece was born. My heart broke open with joy, and I felt a kind of love I never knew was possible. I became softer, happier, and my heart, broken by lovers, was healed when I held her. 
Two months after that I met the woman I call my wife. The barbed wire is gone, the concrete has been broken down and my heart is free again. 

Fences

Inside Looking Out

Standing by her best friend's car
She looks in his angry eyes
And wonders why he's here

She hears him yelling at her
"We'll help you and your baby"
"You don't have to do this"
"You're going to regret this"
She knows she is hearing lies. 

She finds herself judging him
Wondering why she's here. 
It's none of his business anyways. 

She turns to walk inside. 
Just another Saturday at the clinic. 


Outside Looking In

Standing on the sidewalk
He looks past her sad eyes
And knows why she's here. 

He starts telling at get
"We'll help you and your baby"
"You don't have to do this"
"You're going to regret this"
He knows he is telling lies. 

He looks at her and judges her.
Wonders why her boyfriend isn't here, knows it isn't his business anyways. 

He turns to harass another woman. 
Just another Saturday at the clinic. 

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Fuck

"Fuck" ,she cried in pain. 
Looked up at the cliff. She knew
she'd never be found. 

"Fuck!" She pushed again. 
She heard the baby's first cry, 
knew it was worth it. 

"Fuck" he shouted. 
I told you 'Don't touch my guns'. 
Smiling, she shot him. 

A Story in Five Sentences

Vegans of fifteen years, Pam and JB were well known in the vegan community. JB ran a popular vegan blog and Pam was a nutritionist who touted the benefits of veganism. One day, while searching for the soysage, Pam came across a strange package hidden underneath the tempeh in the refrigerator. Upon opening it, Pam was horrified to realize that it contained Hickory Farms sausage. Judging from the look on JB's face when confronted with the package, Pam knew it wasn't the first time. 

Monday, November 18, 2013

My Favorite Holiday

Crispy, cold air. The smell of woodsmoke in the air. Big smiles on kids faces. Bells, jingling everywhere you go. 
I love Xmas. I'm not even Xtian and I love it. 
I love seeing my niece shriek with joy when she opens the tool set or the books we got her. Everyone else gets her dolls but she knows Aunt Kerrie buys her fun gifts.
I thoroughly enjoy the White Elephant game my family plays---the rule is you must bring something used to exchange. One particularly ugly set of towels made it to the White Elephant six years in a row, until one of my aunts finally took them to goodwill. 
I am overjoyed by the food. All of the women in my family are always dieting so there's more pie for me. 
I don't generally like my family, but for a few magical hours on Xmas Eve...we all get along. 

I adore spending Xmas Day at my in-laws. C's mom always slips me a fifty dollar bill and tells me, "Don't pay bills with it. And don't buy C anything with it. Spend it on yourself". 
It makes me laugh when her Uncle Derek (who refers to me as his white niece)tells me that I'm *almost* part of the family. Almost. 
I love how her aunt drives up from Atlanta with gallons of a special brand of ice cream you can only get in Georgia. They bring so much it barely fits in the freezer. 
I revel in all of the visitors--her extended family is huge and everyone shows up with hugs, food, and laughter. 

It wasn't always like this. For years I refused to celebrate the holiday due to its associations with consumerism. I hated the crowds. I was saddened by the excessive spending and the sheer wastefulness of it all. 
I also didn't like the Jesus aspect of it. I hated all of the pins and shirts that touted Jesus as the reason for the season, when for the majority people it really isn't. 

A few years ago, I realized something important. The holiday season isn't about shopping and buying and excessive consumption. 
It also isn't about Jesus, at least bit for me. 

It's about family and friends and laughing together and reminding them of how much you care. That, to me, is the real reason for the season.