After six years of not eating meat, I've been eating it for the past two years.
I think about going back to vegetarianism on a daily basis.
I don't like the way meat looks. Even cut into patties, I am painfully aware that what I am cooking and eating used to be alive. Much like my beloved kitties, it ate, drank, pooped, and slept.
I don't like the way it feels. It gets caught in my teeth. It annoys me and makes eating more difficult.
I don't like the way it makes me feel. When I eat meat, I feel weighed down. I move slower, I poo less, and I feel sluggish.
I think about it every day. The biggest obstacle, strangely enough, is my partner.
To hear her tell it, she has spent the last five years as a vegan and only eats meat once or twice a year. In reality she has 'gone back to being vegan' at least 30 times in the past four years. She's never made it more than a week.
Part if it is her refusal to actually eat anything healthy---she's the kind of person who makes a small kale salad with veggies, pours an entire bottle of dressing on it, then eats it while proclaiming how healthy it is. She buys veggies and fruit by the armload, then lets them rot in the fridge while she's eating lunch meat every day.
The other issue is her anemia. She won't eat beans, or eggs, or all of the other things anemic vegetarians need. Her version of being vegan involves huge amounts of fake meat and potato chips.
What does this have to do with me?
The fact that when she 'cheats on her vegan lifestyle', she brings me down with her. She will buy two cheeseburgers and insist that I take one since she's "going back to veganism tomorrow". She fills our freezer with pork chops and chickens, adamantly saying that it's healthier for both of us to eat meat once in a whole.
I should resist.
I want to resist.
I feel guilty because I don't resist.
This leaves me very torn. I miss being vegetarian, but it's very difficult to say no to the one you love. Especially since our society makes it SO easy to eat meat.
I don't know how to rectify this situation. I've tried going along with her plans to go vegan, but when she goes back to eating meat she gets upset with me if I don't eat animal flesh along with her.
So I'm asking you, my friends, what you think I should do. Any suggestions or thoughts?